Who am I?

Recently I have been down the path of “Who am I?” These thoughts wander into my mind from time to time. I’ve been interested in a career change lately. An opportunity has come up. I thought to myself at first, “Don’t be silly, you can’t apply. They are looking for 3 years experience.” Then the angel on the other shoulder replies, “Go for it. What the other is saying is only an excuse. You can do it. Look at your strengths you currently have. Heck, when you first applied to be an accountant they were looking for 3 years experience and you only had a few months. You can do it!”

In this I was reminded of the Dr Wayne Dyer book my children have, No More Excuses. Every negative thought I had I asked myself “is this true.”

I then thought back to my childhood dream if being on the high school basketball team. The first year I tried out I missed the cut. Devastated, my mom suggested talking to the coach to see what I could do to make the team the next year. I held up my chin and weakly asked what I could do to improve. The next year I was on the team.

I decided to be proactive and find out what qualities I may need to travel down the less beaten path in my life. Bringing my Girl Guide self to be prepared. We will see in the near future where my fate may lie.

We are choosers of our own fate. And I am choosing mine!

How do you do it?

While I was in university, a friend of mine asked me how I did it. I asked her,

How do I do what?

How are you so outgoing?

I told her to trust me that I am normally a shy little wallflower. Upon first meeting people I tend to be quiet and reserved; yet as I get to know them, I realize I can be myself and I’m quite talkative.

My mom had given me a box of stuff she held onto from my childhood. In it were my old report cards. I was looking at my grade 1 report card, and my teacher had written the comment,

Jenifer likes to talk in class and disrupt her neighbors.

It is still true today that I would rather visit than work. I believe it was my young childhood experience that pushed me to become the wallflower instead of the wildflower.

I’m not bitter about my experience, as it actually allowed me to grow into who I am today. I sometimes enjoy being the wallflower and enjoy absorbing all that happens around me. It gives me time to daydream and contemplate life. It taught me to think about what I want to say instead of shooting my mouth off.

I love sharing my stories. I want to be heard. To hear me sometimes, you may have to stop talking yourself and actually choose to listen. It was interesting this Christmas. At times the room went nearly completely silent people could listen to me.

If you are quiet, you can be heard. People need to choose to listen to you. Sometimes you may need to raise your voice and say,

Will you please listen to me!

You can do it, and you can do anything. It is all a matter of willpower. How badly do you want to be heard?