Just Be Yourself

Upon reflection, I should add a 2019 overall theme. Not just a single word, but a whole theme. Just be yourself.

This theme seems to be popping up lately. It has appeared in my personal life in dealing with a pre-adolescent daughter. It is in books that I have been reading. And it has been in a multitude of podcasts I have been listening to.

Looking back on my life; for the most part, I have always chosen to be myself. There have been moments here an there where I have questioned who I am. University would have been a testing point. When I first moved away from home to university, I was trying to figure out a way to meet friends. I had a choice to rush for a sorority with my cousins, or I could join a different student organization on my own. I chose the latter. The sorority to me was not the perfect fit. I felt like I was “buying” friends. Instead I joined AIESEC, an international student organization that focuses on facilitating international work exchanges. (BTW, this is where I met my husband). Overall, AIESEC was a better fit for me. For starters, there was no pressure to belong. Everyone was there because they had a passion.

Not everybody needs to love you, because you need to love who you are. You just need to find your tribe.

Shefali Tsabary

My oldest daughter is starting down the road of self-discovery. The joys of pre-adolescence. She is in dance, and is at the age where she is noticing favoritism, along with trying to figure out where she fits in on her team. Some of the other girls have been bullying my daughter and a couple of her friends. They are among the youngest in the group, and are not necessarily the strongest dancers in the group. She loves dance and is one of those kids who needs to work at it a bit more than others. I told her to dance her heart out in the back, and to be my shining star. I also have told her to figure out where some of her other strengths may lie. This year, she tried a new style of dance and is loving it. You can certainly tell which dances are her favorites.

Focus on the gifts. Don’t focus on the weaknesses, because there are other people that compliment your weaknesses, and you will compliment their’s.

Deepak Chopra

OFF THE SHELF

I have decided to dust this book off the shelf and re-read it. I read it quite a few years ago, and I have felt a calling to it again. As the theme of my year continues, it is so important to be yourself. Be true to yourself in every way. Figure out what your life looks like to you.

QUOTABLE

All that matters is what’s true for you, and if you can stay connected to that without straying, you will be a mighty superhero.

Jen Sincero – You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

Spring

The warmth of the sun warms my soul.

The darkness of winter melts away.

As the kid in me splashed through the puddles.

Happy Equinox!

Mind Games

I have been contemplating issues like the story above. We tend to live so much in our own heads. Our heads tell us stories that may or many not be true.

We are our greatest critic. We tend to make up stories that are not true. We tend to jump to conclusions about how other people view us. We find ways and excuses to torcher ourselves to no end.

Situations like this can be in any part of our lives. It could be thinking a gracious host did not think we were grateful for their generosity. Meanwhile, we were suffering in our own physical pain, and did not seem as grateful. A simple phone call thanking the host can clear up any misunderstandings in your mind.

It could be in the whispers at a dance competition. My daughter’s dance studio director had put it nicely, “Are the whispers in the audience about me, or are the mom’s whispering about how their daughter forgot their socks.” The performer does not know the whispers were about the socks. The performer starts having doubts about their performance. Was it their costume, did they forget a step, or did a hair piece not get fastened securely.

We all have our own little insecurities that float around in our heads. Think about the time you revisited a conversation or a situation in your mind over and over again. Come on, we all do this from time to time. How could we have reacted differently? How could we have stood up for ourselves? How could we….?

We need to end the whispers. We need to end the whispers we say to others, and we need to end the whispers we say to ourselves.

The whispers we should be telling ourselves: you are beautiful, you are smart, you got this, you can do it.

Yes, I know it’s scary. Do you know what’s also scary? Looking back in 20 years with regret for not doing the things you dreamed of because you felt scared of failure, people’s opinions and change.

Unknown

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails, explore, dream, discover.

Mark Twain

Stretching beyond my comfort zone

View of the Rockies from Ralph Klein Park.

We all have our own little comfort zones. It can be the routine of our everyday life. The get up in the morning, go to work/school, do some kind of activity, eat some food through out the day, and go to bed. Our comfort zones can be very monotonous and boring.

There comes a time when our hearts tell us we are looking for adventure. Sometimes we are due for a change.

I recently experienced a change in employment. It was a change that was due and a welcomed change as it was scary.

I am now learning more marketing skills as I help my husband build up our business after the lull of the past 2 years. Sales skills and the skills of a digital marketer. The digital marketing aspect scares me the most. With how much technology and social media has changed and continues to evolve, I am starting to feel older, as a lot of this is all foreign and new to me.

In my new found freedom from the 9-5, I have taken up yoga after I get the kids to school on the mornings that are less hectic. I have also taken up hiking with a couple of friends on Wednesdays.

Hiking is a new, not new adventure. Not new in the sense that I have hiked a lot before in the past. New, in terms that I have never done winter hiking. It was a matter of making sure I have the right tools. I got myself a new pack, as my old one had crumbled a few years back. I was excited and I felt ready to go. Then my friend shared a post about a store having ice cleats back in stock. This is something I never thought I would buy. I will say, they are a marvelous wonder and a must have for any winter hikes.

I was always more of the fair weather kind of hiker. Not fond of the cold or the wet, and certainly not a fan of ice. During our drive to our urban walk/hike this morning, we discussed how much easier it is to go out on a cold day when we’re with friends. With the exception of a cold wind, it was a beautiful morning. Sun shinning, blue skies, great views, and awesome company.

I’m looking forward to our many more adventures to come.

Hawk Hill Calgary Sentinels

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go. They merely determine where you start.

Nido Qubein

Let Your Light Shine

Let your light shine. Let it shine bright like a beacon, like a light house.

Be the source of hope for those who are hopeless. Be the warmth for those who are cold.

Do not hide your light. Let it shine so all may prosper.

Lift up those who have fallen. Carry those who cannot walk.

Shine so bright as to be the guiding light.

Written by Jenifer Ikebuchi

52 Weeks of Kindness – Weeks 1-4

Your mission, if you choose to accept, is to perform 52 weeks of kindness.

It all started with a Facebook post. A group in my town was looking for volunteers to be “kindness ambassadors” for the year. It is based off Jaime Thurston’s book Kindness: the little thing that matters most. The book goes through a different kindness act each week. This was certainly out of my comfort zone. I would have normally read the post, thought it was a cool idea and assumed they had enough people. Instead, I accepted the challenge to help spread kindness through our community and to those around me. Reading through this book, I find I do many of these acts on a regular basis to begin with. So this should be relatively easy.

Week 1: Give Kind Comments – It is fun to see people’s faces light up when you give them kind comments. One of my co-workers recently announced her upcoming retirement. She came into work one day and looked absolutely radiant. I told her she looked like she had a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. A kind comment can be something as simple as complimenting someone on a great shirt they are wearing. Jaime Thurston also reminds us to remember those we take for granted. For example, thank you favourite teacher for making school fun. Or thank your parents for everything they do for you.

Week 2: Be Kind to Unkind People – I have 2 children, with the oldest now in middle school. Whether it be at school, at work, or simply in the community, there are always people you may not like. I have always taught my children to be kind. I say to them, you do not need to be best friends with the person, but you need to be nice to them. Kindness can go a long way. When you are kind, the people others may find difficult to deal with, may end up becoming a strong ally. Or at least be more open to dealing with you when you are kind to them.

Week 3: Share Your Food – During the month of January, my daughters’ dance studio always hosts a food drive, so it was perfect timing. My husband and I also run a BBQ catering business. We were ecstatic when the government created the Good Samaritan Act. This has allowed us, when we have overages from events, to donate the excess food to charitable groups, such as Wildrose Food Connections. I have always been passionate in donating food. From donating to food banks, donating our excess catering food, or even cooking a meal for a friend in need.

Week 4: Do Something for Nothing – Jamie Thurston suggests here to “share a skill.” This could be something as simple as shoveling a sidewalk, helping to fill out a form, or sharing a skill with someone else. Being involved with dance has given me opportunities to share my skills. There are always a few moms who feel intimidated by doing their kids hair, or simply do not know how to do something like a French braid. I have always jumped in here and there when needed to assist with hair or makeup. I too was once a new dance mom, and I am open to sharing my skills and tips I’ve learned with the new dance moms.

Tune in next month for my next adventures.

The Rollercoaster

Sometimes life feels like a rollercoaster. At times it inches it’s way upwards. Then thrusts you downwards and spirals you around. It twists and turns and turns you upside down.

Life can be thrilling and exciting. Other times, it can be slow with the anticipation of the giant drop once you crest the top.

There are moments when we want to scream and throw our hands in the air. There are moments we squeeze our eyes shut and pray for the ride to be over. And there are moments we laugh ourselves silly with the sheer glee of the thrill of the ride.

Whatever your moment, please keep all arms and limbs inside the ride and remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop.

A time for…

Every now and then I pick up Living the Wisdom of the Tao: The Complete Tao Te Ching and Affirmations compiled by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I will pick up this book and open it to a random page. Today it was verse 29.

Do you think you can take over the universe and improve it? I do not believe it can be done.

Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel and cannot be controlled. Trying to control leads to ruin. Trying to grasp, we lose.

Allow your life to unfold naturally. Know that it too is a vessel of perfection. Just as you breathe in and breathe out, there is a time for being ahead and a time for being behind; a time for being in motion and a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous and a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe and a time for being in danger.

To the sage all of life is a movement toward perfection, so what need has he for the excessive, the extravagant, or the extreme?

After I read this, I immediately thought, “I have heard this song before.” I thought of one of my favourite songs, Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds.

To everything turn, turn, turn

There is a season turn, turn, turn

And to every purpose under heaven

Life is an ebb and flow through the good and the bad. The ups and the downs. We need to allow life to flow as it should. Everything was created for a reason.

My soul has been torn open to expose the complicated universe.

Remember to be a kid

The other day my oldest daughter was worried about getting old. She didn’t want to get old. She wanted to be a kid forever. You are never too old to be a kid. You are only as old as you feel.

Remember to be a kid. No matter your age. Play outside in the mud. Get dirty. Use your imagination to explore the universe. You have no worries. Climb trees and have adventures. A scraped knee means you’re having fun and took a risk. It’s ok to fall. Just get back up and dust the dirt off. Pick raspberries. Eat garden carrots dug right out of the garden. Hunt for worms. Most of all; have fun!

Success

Is the notion of success just an egoic illusion? How do we measure true success?

The world will tell you that success is achieving what you set out to do. It will tell you that success is winning, that finding recognition and/or prosperity are essential ingredients in any success. All or some of the above are usually by-products of success, but they are not success. The conventional notion of success is concerned with the outcome of what you do. Some say that success is the result of a combination of hard work and luck, or determination and talent, or being in the right place at the right time. While any of these may be determinants of success, they are not its essence. What the world doesn’t tell you – because it doesn’t know – is that you cannot become successful. You can only be successful. Don’t let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment. And what is that? There is a sense of quality in what you do, even the most simple action. Quality implies care and attention, which come with awareness. Quality requires your Presence.

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

When I read this quote, my mind starts racing with different thoughts on this subject. It makes you start to look at life in a different perspective. Looking back on my life, I was always one to strive for achievement. A humbling moment comes the first time you fail a course. I usually did well in school. University offered it’s own challenges. There were certain courses you are forced to take, and then a variety of electives you get to choose. I did awesome my first 2 years. Granted, I chose to do a college transfer program where I started at a community college, then transferred to the university in my third year.

When I attended university, third year was a weeder year. It separated the people who had the brains to continue from those too weak to cross the finish line. It was especially the case with third year Finance. I assumed the mid-term was at the same time as all the other third year mid-terms. I was wrong. I am grateful I was at the university when I realized my mistake. I ended up showing up to the exam 30 minutes late. It through me off, made me flustered, and I didn’t finish the exam. Needless to say, I failed the exam.

I ended up fretting over the idea of whether I should drop the course and try again next time, or stay in the course and accept my fate. A fellow student had asked a recruiter how they view a fail versus a dropped class. The recruiter told her, a dropped class shows you chickened out. While the fail shows you stuck with the course. I decided to stick with the course, failed the course, and took it again. The second time, I passed by the skin of my teeth. I wasn’t going to let one course threaten me from completing my degree.

When I read Eckhart Tolle’s quote on success, I look back to my days of long distance running. Any athlete in any sport can tell you some kind of story of perseverance and Hail Mary’s, etc. One year, I had a notion to run a half-marathon. I wasn’t a runner, but I had this great urge to do a race. I started going to a personal trainer and she recommended the Melissa’s Road Race in Banff, AB. I signed up, then for the next 7 months, trained. I wasn’t the greatest runner, nor did I come close to winning the race. In fact, most of my races, I was one of the last to cross the finish line. My idea was that I could do a 20 km hike up a mountain in a half-day, so what was the difference of doing a 21.1 km run. My pace was about 3 hours. In the course of a year, I did 4 half-marathons. I started and finished with the Melissa’s Road Race. My last race I ran with a friend of mine. We started out faster than I normally would have. My friend ended up running ahead. I remember at one point a guy on a golf cart came around to check on us at the end. There was no one else around me. He asked how I was doing. I told him I was fine. After he left, I lost it. I felt like I wanted to lie down on the ground and quit. My legs were so tired. In my heart I knew I couldn’t quit. Quitting was not an option. My friend was a fighter. She would never quit. Therefore, I could not quit. I kept going. I ended up walking about the last 6 km. I finished the race, and I ended up with a personal best that race.

Success isn’t always about winning. As Eckhart says, success is about being present. Being present in what you doing. Remember to always give it your all and to be present.